


Deliberate Choices

by soul_writerr



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Developing Relationship, Fluff, Gift Giving, Introspection, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:29:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29537550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soul_writerr/pseuds/soul_writerr
Summary: Sonny had made a decision. The kind that was life changing, fate altering. But it was the life he wanted. A life with Rafael.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 16
Kudos: 77
Collections: Barisi Valentine’s Cliché Challenge





	Deliberate Choices

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tobeconspicuous](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tobeconspicuous/gifts).



> This one goes out to Maggie, the #1 fan of soulmate fics. We were talking about something she's writing and she mentioned she liked it when two people chose to stay together, and this fic came to me while I was showering lmao it's not exactly what Maggie was saying, but it is about making choices and being ready to face the possible consequences of those choices when trying to get what we want. Thank you so much, Maggie, for listening to me and validating my deranged ramblings. I hope you like this <3
> 
> This fic also fills two prompts from the Valentine's Clichés challenge, numbers 2 and 3.

Sonny held the gift box tighter to his chest, but it didn’t offer him any comfort. Instead, it wreaked havoc on his nerves. He had made a decision. The kind that was life changing, fate altering. But it was the life he wanted. A life with Rafael. 

There was a phantom itch on his arm, right under the wristband he wore to hide his mark. The mark that had given him the control to do what he had planned for tonight. 

Some people weren’t so lucky. The mark controlled them, instead of the other way around. His boss was an example of that.

Olivia’s mark read “I need to talk to Lieutenant Benson in private”. Just like that, her mark had defined her career path and subsequent promotions, if she had any hope of ever finding her soulmate. And she did, merely two days after making Lieutenant, when Chief Dodds had walked into the squad with a scowl, only to leave with the biggest smile Sonny had ever seen on his face.

Amanda’s mark, on the other hand, had made her a bit of a rebel, but it gave her more control than Olivia’s. When she turned 18, Amanda’s mark bloomed on her wrist, saying “hey there, blondie”. That same day, she dyed her hair jet black. 

Through college, she’d gone from black to a copper red. Sonny had seen the pictures, and he’d barely recognized her. Now, as an adult, she was a bright blonde again. She’d heard a couple “hey there, blondie” thrown at her, but her mark had yet to spark for the right person. 

Meanwhile, Mike’s mark was so generic Sonny had felt for him when they’d shared their marks. It simply said “good morning”. Sonny himself had said that to him almost every single day, but the Sergeant explained he’d become very much immune to hearing it. 

Until one day, two months after Mike joined the squad, when Nick had finally deemed him worthy of basic politeness. It was a slow Friday, and he’d passed the Sergeant’s desk with a nod and a hoarse “good morning”. 

Sonny had been there when it happened. Mike gasped and the cup of coffee in his hand fell as he immediately reached for his burning wrist and held it in agony. Mike and Nick took the rest of the day off and now, almost a year later, Mike had a ring in his pocket and a question on his tongue.

And then there was Sonny. His mark gave him complete control over choosing when and where he’d find his soulmate, in a way. It was such a specific phrase that he’d have to purposely set up the scenario for it to be said. 

That was what he wanted to do tonight. 

The box in his hand held a teddy bear. A brown one, wearing a little vest and a tie. The phrase on Sonny’s wrist said “you got me a teddy bear?”, question mark and all. 

If Rafael said that phrase to him tonight, it’d only confirm what Sonny already knew. That Rafael was the one for him. That they would spend the rest of their lives together. 

If Rafael didn’t say that phrase, Sonny would never buy another teddy bear in his lifetime. He’d chosen Rafael. And although Sonny didn’t know what Rafael’s wrist said, he was certain the ADA had chosen him, too. 

Sonny had only used this tactic three times before. The first one had been out of innocence, naiveness. It was his senior year of high school, his very last semester. He had turned 18 in February, and on March 1st he’d marched into the school with a teddy bear under his arm. 

Young Sonny had had a vision of finding out that his school crush was his soulmate all along. They’d forever be high school sweethearts, graduating together, getting jobs during the summer, then going off to college together. But the girl had looked at the teddy bear, then at him, and laughed lightly. 

She’d shaken her head when he offered it. “I have a boyfriend”, she’d said, and Sonny’s heart broke.

After that, he’d kept his mark hidden under a wristband, but never forgot what it said. 

When he was 23, Sonny offered his first boyfriend a teddy bear on their first year anniversary, convinced he was the one. But the man had burst into tears and broken up with him before he even took the bear out of the box.

With his next girlfriend, he waited. It was agonizing, but he held out hope that he’d said  _ her  _ phrase before she said his. Two years in without any spark, he set up the scene for her to say it. Expect she didn’t. 

She’d smiled, hugged the teddy bear close to her chest, and said sweetly, “Thank you so much, Sonny.”

Sonny felt devastated, then. But he knew, sometimes, people chose to stay together despite their marks not matching. And so Sonny stayed. They had a good relationship, after all.

Then one day, he’d walked into their apartment to find her packing up a suitcase, copious tears streaming down her face. She’d fallen onto his chest, saying she’d found her soulmate, that she had to go. 

Sonny caught a glimpse of her mark, and it had already turned gold. It said “have a great day”, and Sonny’s breath caught in his throat. He’d said that to her many times. Every other morning as she left for work. And she’d stayed for almost three years, hearing him say it and knowing he wasn’t the one. 

She’d chosen him for a while, then she chose to leave.

They’d hugged tightly and cried. Sonny wished her all the best, and she thanked him for their three wonderful years. When she left, Sonny took off his wristband and stared at his mark, still black and unclaimed. It was hopeless, he thought.

Then, eight months later, he met Rafael.

Gorgeous, prickly, smart as hell, ADA Barba in his bespoke three-piece suits. From day one, Sonny hung onto his every word, looking for a way in. It’d stung whenever the other man brushed him off, when he locked the doors Sonny tried to open. 

But slowly, out of his own volition (and probably because of Sonny’s annoying relentlessness), Barba started leaving a crack open. He let Sonny ask questions, though he didn’t always respond. Eventually, he let Sonny help. And the day Barba himself  _ asked  _ for Sonny’s help was the day Sonny knew the door would stay open.

So he walked right through it and locked it behind himself. 

That was two years ago. Six months of back and forth, six months of dancing around each other, and a year of actually dating. As boyfriends. A real, committed relationship.

Sonny had never been happier. And maybe it was early to use the teddy bear scenario, but he needed to know. Because if there was no spark, he’d show Rafael his mark, and that’d be it. He’d leave the choice to Rafael, because he made up his mind. And there would be no more teddy bears for him after this one. 

“You’re early,” was the first thing Rafael said when he opened the door, then pulled Sonny in for a hello kiss. “I haven’t ordered the food yet.”

Sonny smiled against his lips. “You should have let me cook for you.”

“Absolutely not. It’s Valentine’s Day. I’m not going to share your attention with the kitchen.” 

“Fair enough,” Sonny chuckled, then passed him the box. “This is for you.”

Rafael smiled. “I like big boxes,” he said with a wink. “Come on in.” 

Sonny followed him into the living room, hands shaking and mouth dry. He knew that, once Rafael opened that box, it would seal his fate. 

“I thought you said no expensive gifts,” Rafael said, eyeing the box suspiciously.

“Trust me, this wasn’t expensive.” 

Rafael pulled the bow that held the lid in place, then opened it. He peered inside and laughed lightly. Sonny’s heart sank inside his chest as he waited, every second its own personal torture.

The ADA took the bear out of the box, smoothing out the tie with a fond smile. He raised an eyebrow at Sonny, turning the teddy bear so now Sonny was held captive under two pairs of green eyes. 

“You got me a teddy bear?,” Rafael asked, and Sonny gasped, the breath being kicked out of him as an intense burn shot up his arm. He hissed, grabbing his wrist and pulling the band right off of it. 

He watched, eyes wide, as the black lettering changed to gold. Finally. 

“Sonny,” he heard Rafael whisper, the teddy bear squished in his hands as he held tighter to it. “You…”

“It’s you,” Sonny laughed, delirious and happy with it. “Of course it is. Of  _ course _ .” 

He all but threw himself in Rafael’s arms, pulling him into a hug. “I love you,” Sonny said into Rafael’s hair. “I love you.”

Rafael let out a long breath, Sonny felt it as he relaxed into Sonny’s embrace. “I love you, too.”

“Can I see yours?,” Sonny asked, leaning back to look at Rafael’s own banded arm.

“I--,” he cleared his throat. “I would prefer you didn’t.”

Sonny frowned instinctively, then smoothed his expression out and nodded. 

“Yeah. I understand.”

“It’s very specific,” Rafael said, taking Sonny’s hand in his and tracing his fingers over the golden mark. Sonny shivered. “Like yours. I’d like to hear you say it without knowing what it is.”

Sonny smiled, nodding again. “That’s more than fair, Raf. I’ll be ready to say it whenever you want me to.”

Rafael looked up at him, a smile growing. “I think this calls for a celebration.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

* * *

Sonny looked into his jewelry box with a frown. He couldn’t decide between the silver and the gold bracelet. 

Ever since he revealed his mark, Rafael had showered him with bracelets and watches to wear. He’d even measured his wrist so that it fit in a way that whatever Sonny wore wouldn’t hide the mark, but adorned it instead.

They had a date night tonight, and Sonny wanted Rafael to see the mark all night. He liked to catch Rafael watching it; he enjoyed deciphering what the look in his eyes meant. Sometimes it was fond, loving, other times it was possessive, hungry. Sonny loved it. 

The doorbell rang loudly across the apartment, and it momentarily pulled Sonny out of his train of thought.

“I’ll get it!,” Rafael called out over the shrill noise. 

Sonny eventually chose the gold, thin bracelet that matched his mark perfectly and tried to close the clasp around his own wrist one-handed, but it kept slipping between his fingers.

“Raf?,” Sonny called over his shoulder. “Can you help me with my bracelet?”

Rafael walked into the room a moment later, a small smile on his face and a hand behind his back. Sonny lifted an eyebrow at him, curious.

“Who was at the door?”

“A special delivery,” he said, and revealed a huge bouquet of yellow roses.

“Wow!,” Sonny gasped, putting the bracelet back in the box so he could approach the other man. “Whoa.”

He softly traced his thumb over one of the bright petals, and it was so soft he was afraid of hurting it somehow. Sonny took a step back, taking in the complete picture of Rafael with an arm full of flowers right there in their bedroom as they got ready for a date. 

It was so mind-numbingly romantic Sonny felt like he was in a daze. 

“What are the flowers for?,” he whispered, still awed. 

A second later, the bouquet was on the floor as Rafael doubled over with a pained groan. 

“Rafael? Are you okay?,” Sonny grabbed him around the shoulders to help him stay up. The ADA panted as he reached for his leather wristband and took it off. 

Sonny watched, breathless, as the words turned golden. “What are the flowers for?,” it asked.

“Oh God,” he breathed, eyes filling with tears. He quickly blinked them away, wrapping an arm around Rafael. 

“I’ve never given anyone flowers,” Rafael said, looking up at Sonny. “You gave me a chance. I wanted to do the same for you. But flowers or no flowers, I love you, Sonny.”

The tears were back, but this time he couldn’t hold them. A smile widened on his face, and he turned to pull Rafael into his chest. 

“Teddy bear or no teddy bear, I love you, Rafael.” 

Later, Sonny picked up the flowers from the floor and put it in a vase. He set it on the dresser across from their bed; he wanted to see it first thing in the morning. 

The teddy bear Sonny had given Rafael on Valentine’s Day lived on their bed, propped up between their pillows. 

But mark or no mark, they had chosen each other. 

**Author's Note:**

> This was another example of me trying to work on something then a whole new idea sneaking up to me and yelling at me until I finally sat down and wrote it, all in one go lmao Let me know what you think!! <3 click that little kudo if you think these two are meant to be, in every single universe there is


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